Sunday, March 13, 2011

One more exam and I'm freaking out!

You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but I'm obviously not. I have five days until my last exam, this time for my Master's degree, and I am completely...

FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is supposed to be the "easier" test, compared to my Certification exam. There are five questions, probably case studies, of which I choose three. Plus there is a Pro-Con question on a controversial issue in the O and M field.  Or at least that's my guess. It's an essay test, not multiple-choice like the last one, and I'm also guessing I'll be writing about teaching a hypothetical student with a certain type of vision impairment. Sounds easy, right? I mean, I should know this. It's what I've spent the last two-and-a-half years learning to do. If I can't do it, I didn't learn a damn thing and shouldn't be a teacher. Right?

Which is why I am freaking out! If I fail this test, not only will I not graduate, but I'll also prove to everyone, including myself, that I am not qualified to be a teacher.

Tests make me crazy.

I'm sure this anxiety has more to do with my insecurities and lack of confidence in my abilities than any real lack of knowledge. I suspect that I really do know how to assess and teach people with vision impairments. I just haven't done it very much to prove to myself that I can. So here comes this test which is pushing all of my low-self-esteem buttons, making me feel like a babbling idiot who shouldn't be allowed to teach anyone. I should take up landscaping, because at least when you work with plants, you can't hurt them. Oh wait, yes I could. Never mind.

For the next three days I will be studying like a crazy person, because that's what I am right now: crazy. Then on thursday I will go to the City and stay with my friend's again where I will get a good night's sleep and ignore as best I can that I have a test in the morning. On Friday I take the test, then Friday night I get good and drunk with my classmates, because that will be it. All done. No more to do for my Master's degree.

Except finish my internship paperwork. But that will have to wait until next week. I can only take on so much crazy at one time. 


Leslie said...

Well, I just read the post before this one and then this one. Nah, you don't have much reason for anxiety...

Can I just tell you that I really admire your "courage under fire?" Test anxiety is a real thing (my husband has it) and it seems you handle it really well. And from the sounds of the information you know and keep up with on behalf of your daughter, you hold a LOT in that brain. I believe it will all come back to you, just when you need it to.

Take a lot of deep breaths...

p.s. I love what you said about the plants : )

Rick said...

one more day. just one more day and we will pop the champaign cork! hang in there.

TherExtras said...

Hope there wasn't much of a hangover - champagne is good choice, Rick.

All done! Barbara