And then she got sick, which wasn't so bad

Zooming from one task to another and another... So many things to remember all at once. I've taken multi-tasking to an art-form.

Remember the job, the kid, the house, the dog... Remember the groceries, bills, laundry, SSI forms and IHSS forms. Remember it's spring and it hasn't rained and the yard needs a drink and the worms have outgrown their bin and the weeds are choking the berries. Remember the kid on the coast has an IEP and the one up north needs a new walker and the one in town has an important meeting and the other one wants to do an art project and the littlest one likes to pull your hair. Remember Queen Teen has homework and she learned new signs and you need to learn them too. Remember she'll have more blood work soon so remember to plan how that will happen. Remember to eat.

Eat?

Oh right, eat...

Remember to take vitamins and get rest. Remember all of this, or else.

Or else?

And then I got sick. Big surprise.

Last week I woke up nauseous and chilled with a low grade fever and body aches. I'm finally feeling better, but the fatigue won't go away. I drag myself through each day like I'm dragging a 2 ton stone by chains wrapped around my shoulders. I spent the majority of our four-day holiday weekend on the couch watching old movies.

Queen Teen was wonderful. Being out of school on a weekend is bad enough, but being out of school for four whole days with nothing to do and a sick mom is intolerable. The boredom was epic. But she mustered her strength and tried hard to entertain herself, and also take care of me a little. She asked if I was warm enough and then straightened out my blanket. When I asked if she'd like to watch a movie she said she'd watch whatever I wanted; we settled on a Tinker Bell marathon. She even tried cleaning the kitchen counters for me. The whining about boredom only started monday late morning, which is a new world record for her. It shows how much she's growing up; she's starting to think about other people and what she can do for them, instead of always focusing on her own needs. I'm proud of her.

We did manage to get out every day, driving to Starbucks for hot chocolate, going to the Farmer's Market,  and buying new clothes for a friend's baby. We also bought 2 new blueberry bushes for the birds (they'll probably eat them before we get a chance). Overall, not a bad weekend, just not exactly what either of us had planned.

Now here I sit, thinking about the last few weeks because I realize I haven't been posting very much. I'm amazed at how fast the time roars past before I have a moment to catch my breath, let alone stop and write. Teaching is stressful I've discovered. Added to my already stressful world it's a bit overwhelming. I've only been a teacher for 6 months, so I think in time I'll get the hang of it. Or not. There are teachers I work with who've been there 20 years and still feel overwhelmed by the needs of their students sometimes. Maybe this constant race of deadlines and lesson plans and assessments is just part of the game. Perhaps the key is to run it like a marathon, pacing yourself and taking care of your body and not worrying so much about how many miles you still have to go.

All I know is my body is screaming for a rest, so right now I can milk this illness for a few more hours on the couch with an old movie blaring Big Band music. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, but tonight, I can fall asleep on this big comfy couch to the flicker of a black and white "talky".

Sometimes being sick isn't so bad.

Study, Study, Cough, Cough, Study, Study, Cough, Cough

Right now I am preparing for the biggest exam of my life: the Orientation and Mobility Certification Test. I've been studying "Big Red" (Foundations of O and M, the bible of my field) since September, but now the actual test date is fast approaching: February 22nd, 12:15 PM. And in usual Terena style, I am freaking out. Every time I go through the study guide I realize just how much I don't know. How is that even possible? I've been studying this crap for 2 and a half years, you'd think I'd know it in intimate detail.

Who developed the first Orientation and Mobility program in the US and when? Where was the first dog guide school located? What are "rods?" Where is the macula? What types of anxiety are most keenly felt by a person who is newly blind? Define "neuropathy." What is the hz threshold of normal hearing? What are the three most common eye disorders in the US in adults? What are some of the eye conditions that can cause nystagmus. Why did you drop the book on the floor and why is your head now banging against the desk?

To make things more interesting, I am still sick. I ended up with a sinus infection needing antibiotics and have been coughing so much the inside of my chest feels like I've been kicked repeatedly by a donkey. I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis, so I guess I should go back to the doctor. Queen Teen is bright and healthy and back to her grinning, ornery self. Rick was only sick for about four days and I think he took maybe one nap during the two hours he had a fever. Me? I'm going on week three of feeling like crap.

I actually scheduled time to get sick in April, after both of my exams and our trip to Disneyland, but before I graduate in May. My body refused to follow the timeline, however.

Last thursday was my last day interning with Laura Fogg, and it feels weird not working with her. I missed going to Fort Bragg with her this monday, and I miss my students, especially the Fort Bragg kids and the preschooler who was just starting to cruise around and explore his class. Luckily I live with one of my students; Queen Teen provides plenty of opportunity to practice teaching. It was incredibly stressful trying to juggle the needs of my family with someone else's schedule, but I already miss hearing Laura's light "beep-beep" of her car horn letting me know she's there. I miss her smile and her greeting, "Good morning." My last week was so anticlimactic because I was sick and only worked a couple of hours each day. I went to a meeting on Thursday and then went home to bed. All done. Laura and I plan to celebrate properly after my test.

My test... guess I'd better get back to studying. Not much longer now. After March 18th, when I take my master's exam I will be  ALL DONE.

Come on body, don't fail me know.

Last Week of my Internship!!!!!!

Only 11 more hours of interning to fulfill the requirements for my certification and credential in Orientation and Mobility. 11 more hours...

... and I have the flu.

Yep, I'm in the home stretch and I have a fever, sore throat and runny nose. I ache and sneeze and wish I could sleep for the next 48 hours (at a minimum. more would probably be good).

Queen Teen came down with it last Sunday and missed an entire week of school. And of course it was the same week Rick started a big project for one of his computer clients which didn't go as smoothly as it should have. That meant I missed two days last week, but I was grateful for the time he squeezed in to stay home so I could get a few hours of work in. He was planning to go to MacWorld with me, but instead I went alone while he stayed home with our sick girl. By Saturday, Queen Teen was pretty much back to her smiling, cheerful, energetic self. By Saturday, I had a fever.

It always happens like this. She gets sick, I take care of her, then just as she starts to get better I catch it. Not as bad as she, but still sick. It would be a lot more convenient if we had it together, but I suppose catching it in stages means I don't have to get up to wipe her snotty nose when I feel like ass.

So tomorrow, which should be my last Fort Bragg trip with Laura where I teach my final cane lesson to my high school student, I'll stay home and watch movies until Queen Teen comes home from school. Then I'll PRAY that I'm well enough to go back to work on Tuesday. 11 more hours. That's all I need. Two more days and then I'm done!!!!!!

Everyone, send me strong healing energy. I must get healthy fast!!!!

Nothing like a little Battlestar Galactica to make me forget my cold

As soon as I take a break, I get sick. Does that happen to anyone else? I can go on full speed for weeks, and then the moment I've accomplished all that work and tell myself it's okay to slow down and put up my feet, I catch a cold. When I was an actress, I remember performing for weeks, and then two days after the show would close I'd be bedridden with the flu. And I wasn't the only one; most of the cast would also be coughing up a lung. No, we weren't all snogging back stage. It seemed that as long as we stayed busy, our immune systems stayed strong, putting germs in deep storage until the day we slowed down and rested. Then, all those germs locked away were set free, our immune systems saying, "Now you have time to get sick."

It has to be a short period of activity, though. Long term stress will make me really sick, but short term stress appears to be good for my immune system. Have you experienced the same thing?

So instead of continuing the great New Year's purge, I'm watching classic Battlestar Galactica on Hulu, the 1978 version, which was my favorite show when I was 11. I was crazy about Captain Apollo, and I gotta admit, I still am. When other girls in the the 7th grade were hanging pictures of Leif Garrett and Scott Baio, my locker was covered with pictures of Richard Hatch.

I like the new Galactica (especially since Richard Hatch is in it), but the old, campy, late 70's version is still my favorite.

The Flu

On Tuesday I started to feel my head thicken with snot and my throat get sore. Bollocks! I chugged juice, loaded up on Vit C and saw my accupuncturist who gave me herbs and a needle treatment supposed to help boost my immune system so I wouldn't get sick.

On Wednesday I was feeling worse, but I thought it was just a cold. On Thursday I was on the couch watching old movies and drinking gallons of tea, realizing that this was a FLU, and probably THE flu, because that's the only one going around right now. I had to cancel my trip to the California Orientation and Mobility Specialists Conference in Monterey this weekend and instead will be taking the "tea and movies cure" for the next several days.

So far, Queen Teen doesn't show any signs of catching the flu, but I'm really nervous that I've exposed her to something that could make her extremely sick. Curses to college! I probably got this bug on campus because universities are thick with exotic germs and people from all over the world sneezing on each other while sharing drinks and swapping spit. It was just a matter of time before some 20 year old girl with a sick boyfriend living in the dorms coughed in my general direction.

I went to the CDC website to see what the latest guidelines are for dealing with the H1N1 virus and found the page about caring for a sick person at home. Who the hell made up these rules? They are completely unrealistic for a family, especially a mom. Keep the person isolated. Have them use a separate bathroom from others. Wear gloves and a face mask when caring for the sick person. Right.

First of all, I'm the primary caregiver of a person with a disability. My daughter needs assistance with daily living tasks, like eating and dressing, so "avoiding close contact" is impossible. And secondly, a face mask is impossible because my daughter has a hearing problem and is a lip reader. If I could evacuate her somewhere away from me I would, but we don't have any family near by. All I can do is try not to breath on her and wash my hands a lot (which I'm doing so much my skin is cracking).

And if it was reversed, if Queen Teen was the sick person instead of me, the rules still wouldn't work for us. I must be in close contact, I still couldn't wear a mask, and we only have one bathroom. Like most guidelines created by agencies, the rules were created as a "best-practice" with zero thought into reality. Parents must care for their children, period, regardless of their own health or whether or not they wear a face mask. A sick child needs hugs as well as medicine. And sick moms need rest.

Thankfully today I feel better than yesterday, so I hope I'm on the mend. I'll make some more tea, watch a few more movies, and try to take a nap before Queen Teen gets home from school. I need to be strong for when Queen Teen comes down with the flu, because eventually she will. I'm guessing by Sunday, Monday at the latest.

I really, really hope I'm wrong.

Homework, Midterms, and Sickness: Joy!

Okay I admit it. I am sick. Not crazy, gonna die, full of snot sick, but run down, worn out, sore throat, cough, runny nose, headache like I was hit with a sledge hammer, sick. I need tea and rest and warm blankies. I need sympathy and time to heal.

But no! I am a Mom, and mom's don't get sick days. Plus, I am a student, and students really don't get sick days.

So, I'm cramming for my exam (I have to demonstrate how to teach an Orientation and Mobility skill, but I won't know which one until my teacher tells me which one at the start of the test. So I have to study all of them. I hope she doesn't choose stairs). And I'm writing three lesson plans (Three! All due on the same day as the exam. Please!). And reading my textbooks. And reading blogs and wasting time on Facebook. Wait, scratch those last two.

I am the only parent in my class. The instructor has children but they are grown up and away to college, so it's just juggling parenthood and school, doing homework late into the night while taking care of a child who still thinks sleeping all night is a waste of valuable time. Yeah, being a graduate student is really fun when you're sleep deprived. And sick. Did I mention that I'm sick?

Pass the herb tea and wish me luck this Friday. It's gonna be a long week.

It's a Mommy Thing

Queen Teen is very very very very very very sick. She's had a high fever and a bad cough for three days. Instead of going to school, I'm staying home with her because I found it physically impossible for me to leave. Really. I tried to pack up my gear this morning but I realized I was just standing in my room clutching my toothbrush while staring at my very dirty fishbowl thinking, "There's no way in hell I'm leaving." I returned my toothbrush to the bathroom and emailed my professors. So what if I get a hit on my grade; my girl needs me.

When I told Rick I was staying home he argued with me. "I can take care of her. Don't mess up your grades!"

"I know you can take care of her, but I simply can't leave."

"School is important. This is your career you're talking about. She's alright. I know what to do and I won't let anything happen to her. You need to go to class."

I just shrugged. "I can't. It is impossible for me to go. It's a mommy thing."

I didn't know how else to explain it and I know he doesn't understand. It's not that Rick is incapable of taking care of her. He's a great dad and knows perfectly well how to manage her fever and blow her nose. This feeling has nothing to do with his abilities as a care-giver. If Queen Teen just had a cold and was grumpy, I'd toss Rick the tissue box and say, "Have fun." Queen Teen has the flu. Last night her temp reached over 104 F. If I went to school tonight all I'd do the entire time is wonder how high her fever is while anxiously checking my messages every two minutes, fearing the worst. And if he did call saying Queen Teen needed me, I'd be over two hours away.

No. Impossible. Every cell in my body demands that I stay. My child has a gravitational pull on my psyche right now that nothing can escape. Not even sleep.

Does wiping green snot count as wearing green for St. Patrick's Day?

Snot

When Queen Teen catches a cold, it can be a very big problem. Motor control difficulties and sneezing do not mix. She tries very hard to grab a tissue, but she simply can't get it out of the box and up to her nose before she sneezes. So she gets a lot of snot everywhere; all over her shirt, in her hair, on her face... everywhere.

There are boxes of tissues in every room. I keep fist-fulls in both pockets. Queen Teen keeps a box on her walker and another on the floor beside her while she plays. Her hair is pulled back tightly with extra hair-ties and clips. She wears an extra shirt over her t-shirt so it's easy to change when necessary. We're as ready anyone can be.

ACHOO! Uh oh... I spring into action, grabbing a tissue from my pocket as I run to her room, intercepting a thick string of snot hanging from her nose down to her chest. I grab it with the tissue and quickly pull it from her nose, wrapping it in the second tissue I grabbed from the box beside her, trying to wipe if away before she twists her head from my grasp and drags the snot-string across her face.

"Yuck!" she says, reaching up with her own tissue to wipe herself.

Whew, just in time. I dispose of the now wet and lumpy tissue, restock my pockets with fresh tissues, and wait for the next sneeze. They come quickly. Every fifteen minutes I race to try and grab the snot before she does. Occasionally she manages to get it first, and it's about a fifty-fifty shot that she'll clean herself up rather than smear the snot around. I know it's important she try to care for herself, but I wish she'd just let me do it. I'm getting tired of changing her shirt.

Sometimes the sneezes are tricky. She'll be walking into the kitchen with her walker and then suddenly stop, her eyes slightly crossing and her mouth open wide. She'll grab a tissue and hold it to her face. I will stand close by, a tissue in each hand, waiting. Will she sneeze, or not? Her mouth will open and close as if she's chewing on a giant piece of taffy and then she'll clamp her lips shut.

"Drat!" she'll say. "I hate it when that happens!"

Me too, baby.

And then, a few moments later, after we've both let down our guard... ACHOO!

This latest snot battle has gone for a week. Luckily she improved in time to go to her appointment at the Low Vision Clinic in Berkeley (more on that next time), and then she visited her dad for the weekend. I had one full day yesturday to rest from chasing snot and actually managed to drink an ENTIRE cup of coffee BEFORE it got cold. What a pleasure.

Last night, her dad called. "Queen Teen has a really runny nose and a temperature. What should I give her?"

I sighed. Looks like when she comes home this afternoon we'll be back to fighting snot. Oh well... I've had a day to rest, reload the tissue boxes, and drink so much tea I've flushed out any virus that might think of attacking me. I'm ready.