Born to be Silly

Queen Teen has a hard time signing the letter Y. Her pinky won't stick up as it should.

Yesterday, she told a friend that she can't make a Y. Instead, she held up her fist with just the thumb sticking out. "This is how I do it." Then she grinned and said, "I guess I was born to be silly. See." She moved her fist in front of her face with the thumb pointed at her nose, the sign for "silly." 

She laughed so hard she collapsed on her bed.

Later, she told me that she was born to be silly "...just like Rick." 

"What about me?" I asked.

"You're silly sometimes, but not all the time like me and Rick."

Dang! I gotta up my silliness to compete with those two. Guess I need to play "What's sillier?" more often.

Queen Teen- What's sillier, a banana or a watermelon? 

Mom - A banana of course.

QT - Yes. That was an easy one. What's sillier, a shoe or a hat? 

Mom - Ummm.... a hat?

QT - No, a shoe. 

This is a game Rick and Queen Teen have been playing since she was 3 years old. They are now the masters of silliness. I tend to over-think the questions, which is also why I tend to fail the DMV written test on the first try. 

QT - What's sillier, an egg or cheese? 

Mom - An egg.

QT - No. Cheese is sillier. Gee Mama, you just don't get this game. 

There are subtleties to this game that baffle me. I'll watch Rick and Queen Teen play and have no idea why they're laughing. 

Rick - What's sillier, a gold fish or a frying pan?

QT - A frying pan.

Rick - Yes! (insert hysterical laughter from both)

Mom - Why is a frying pan sillier than a goldfish?

QT - It just is.

Rick - How many people have been hit by a gold fish?

Mom - So the game is based on whether or not people get hit by something?

Rick - No.

QT - It would be funny if a person got hit by a goldfish. 

Rick - Yeah. Maybe a goldfish is funnier?

QT - Yeah! (insert more hysterical laughter)

Mom - Okay, what's funnier? A pie or a cake?

QT - Pie.

Mom - Not cake?

QT - No.

Mom - Why?

Rick - Because there are lots of pies.

Mom - But getting hit with a cake is messier, so wouldn't it be sillier?

Rick - No. The thing itself has to be sillier.

QT - Pies are silly.Cake is not.

Mom - That doesn't make sense.

QT - (sighing sadly) Mama just doesn't get it.

The Captain and Terena

Rick and I were asked to perform at a friend's wedding. The theme: 1920's circus. And what a circus it was! Beautiful costumes, talented dancers and singers, and the grand-finale: the wedding vows performed as if the bride and groom were in a 1920's silent film.

Also performing was... The Captain and Terena (pun intended)!

My hubby was an acrobat in a San Francisco circus when he was in his 20's, and is still a talented juggler and performer. So when our friends asked us to perform, he dusted off a classic knife throwing act he'd done back then and asked me to assist. Of course I said yes. Who wouldn't want their husband to throw knives at them?

We were asked in the fall, so we had plenty of time to practice for a March wedding. We should have had enough time, but Rick picked up two big work projects that lasted through January. And there were the holidays, a couple of illnesses ran through the house and my shoulder started acting up again, making physical activity painful. Suddenly it was the end of February and we'd just finished the script.

It's never a good idea to do a knife throwing act without practicing a lot, so I called a good friend to help. Isn't it great we have the kind of friends who will agree to assist with a knife throwing act? We ran the act with him and discovered the hand cuffs were too small, the rubber glove wouldn't pop unless blown up fully, and some of our jokes fell flat. But we also discovered new jokes and problem solved the technical issues. With the wedding only two days away, we were ready.

On the day of the wedding, we got a call from the bride. The theater they had rented for the event wouldn't allow us to throw knives. How the hell do you do a knife throwing act without throwing knives? I met with the theater manager and explained how the routine worked, but they were still insistent that we couldn't throw the knives. OK, no problem.

Seriously, it wasn't that big of deal because our knife throwing act is a gag; no actual knives are thrown at a person. I don't want to give it all away, but lets just say we give the victim... I mean volunteer from the audience... a major fear-factor. There's a little risk because we were using real knives, so practice is imperative. No one could be killed,  just nicked if we missed the balloon. Luckily for our volunteer, we didn't miss.

Our performance was a smash! We picked a random name from a list of people the bride thought would be good for the act, and he was perfect. He was nervous as hell, but funny and willing to do what we asked, even being handcuffed to a wooden target, blindfolded, and then asked to hold onto balloons Rick would pop with his knives. The audience was in on the gag and laughed loudly. At the end of the act, Rick and I traded places, so I got to "throw" the last knife at the rubber glove the volunteer held between his legs. Rick handed me his hat and jacket and then stripped off the rest of his suit, revealing a red sparkly dress and hose. He was adorable.

I loved performing with him, but I admit it was a little stressful too. Any time you perform with someone, you have to navigate each other's fears and insecurities: try doing that with your spouse. But standing on stage next to my husband while the audience laughed and cheered our performance was exhilarating.

Plus, it felt mighty fine wearing a slinky red dress and jacket and still be able to turn a few heads at age 45.  It helped that my mini-cleavage was smashed together by the dress. Hiding the wireless mic was a challenge, though.

Alas, I don't have any photos from the act yet, but when I get some from the bride, I'll share them here. You've got to see my hubby in his dress. 

Spirit of Uganda

Queen Teen's class went to see "The Spirit of Uganda," at the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts in Santa Rosa last week, and I got to go with her. The Spirit of Uganda is a performance group made up of Ugandan children and young adults who have all lost parents to AIDS and war. They travel the globe representing the organization Empower Africa's Children. From their website:

Empower African Children is a non-profit organization inspired by success stories from more than 15 years of work with Africa's vulnerable children. Launched in 2006 by child advocate Alexis Hefley - whose work with Ugandan children has earned her international acclaim - Empower African Children's programs provide a fresh new approach that unlocks the potential of this generation through an innovative education. Its holistic approach to education provides tools for success in life, creating confident, skillful, visionary leaders.

Uganda has the highest number of orphans of any country in the world. The funds raised during the tour go to the orphanage and education program supported by Empower Africa's Children. The performance also shares the beauty and excitement of Ugandan music and dance, which I admit I knew almost nothing about.

The only things I knew about Uganda were Idi Amin,  AIDS, and the persecution of homosexuals. I didn't even know where exactly the country was located in Africa. Watching the performance made me curious, so I went on line and explored the history and culture of Uganda. With Lake Victoria as its southern border, Uganda is a part of the Nile river delta, rich with fish, game and plants. But it is a poor country, with more than 50% of the population under the age of 15 and the average lifespan for women age 52 (47 for men). These are the facts you'll get from reading Wikipedia, which could paint a mighty bleak image of Uganda, or any African country for that matter. What the Spirit of Uganda shows us is the heart and soul of the nation, not the hardship. The country is rich with resources and people. The humans who live there struggle, but also create beauty. Seeing the children dance while listening to the drums and songs helped me understand the strength of the people of Uganda, and made me want to visit there. Maybe I will someday.

As Queen Teen's Mobility teacher, it was my job to drive her and a friend to the theatre, and then arrange for them to go back stage to meet some of the performers. It's very hard for Queen Teen to see and understand what's happening on stage, even from the front row, so seeing a performer up close is really helpful.

We were guided back stage by the center's Education Program Director, who has been incredibly helpful every time Queen Teen has gone to see a show there. The performers, ages 11 through 20, were fabulous. Several dancers came out to meet Queen Teen and show her their costumes. They got really close so she could see what they were wearing, including the feathered belts around their waists and the bells on their ankles. And they talked directly to her, waited for her response, allowed her to touch their clothing and shake their hands. No one seemed nervous around a deaf-blind young woman in a wheel chair; they treated her like any other student wanting to meet performers before a show. The generosity of the young performers and the kindness they showed Queen Teen, without any hint of pity, impressed me greatly. (Here's a link from the Wells Fargo Center blog, and if you scroll to the bottom of that page, you'll see a picture of Queen Teen in her pink coat meeting the performers.)

And the show impressed everyone, including Queen Teen. She loved the drums and the dances, but got a little lost with the story telling (hard to understand when you can't hear the guy talking and both you and the person interpreting don't know enough ASL to help). Toward the end of the show, the storyteller invited us all to stand and dance with the performers. I jumped up and held out my hands to Queen Teen, who surprised me by standing, gripping my hands tightly, and dancing with the rest of the audience. She was grinning like a little kid and dancing as wild as her body would let her without falling. I kept a tight grip on her so she could lift her legs and flap her arms. When the dance was over, she said, "You thought I couldn't dance!" She was still grinning when the show ended, and she clapped as hard as her little hands could. 

If The Spirit of Uganda comes to your town, go see it.  You will be inspired and thoroughly entertained. Tell them Queen Teen sent you.

Depressed? Enter a Drag King contest.

It was time to do something drastic. I've been living with depression for months, coping with side-effects from different medications while searching for the one that would make me stop being suicidal. The weight of it all is exhausting. So I entered a Drag King contest.

The event was hosted by our local chapter of PRIDE to raise money for their community grants program. The theme was "Marie Antoinette" and the hosts of the event wore elaborate 17th century French gowns with oversized powdered wigs. The stage manager wore a man's suit in the same style, complete with powdered wig and powdered face. The audience came in costume, some inspired by the theme and others simply celebrating Halloween. My husband wore a kilt and Valkyrie outfit, torpedo boobs, braids, horned helmet and all. I wore a blue velvet frock coat with lace cuffs and my shiny black boots, my hair slicked back. And then I drew a mustache and goatee using a .99 Wet and Wild eyeliner pencil. With my little round glasses I felt more "Sergeant Pepper" then French Revolution.

I performed to Depeche Mode's "Martyr" which gave me lots of opportunity to interact with the audience. Kind of sexy, very danceable, the song is all about giving yourself completely to love, even if it destroys you.

"I've been a martyr for love
And I will die in the flames
As I draw my last breath
As I close in on death
I will call out your name"

So much drama to work with! It was great. The audience cheered and waived dollar bills at me, tucked them in my boots and down my shirt, swooned when I knelt at the feet of one woman, laughed when I used my mic as a... lets just say prop. I had so much fun lip syncing and dancing it was hard not to leap on tables (they were plastic. it would have been a bad way to end my routine).

Judging was done by audience cheers, and the cheers were split between me and another woman in drag. Because it was so close, we had a dance off. I was already winded from my performance, now I had to dance one-on-one with a 24 year old girl who could dance circles around my tired 44 year old ass. I just leapt all in, acting cocky and sexy and wild.

And I won.

I am now the Drag King of Ukiah.

Celebration

On thursday morning, I plucked cherries from the tree we share with the neighbors. The birds seem to be lazy this year because there were hundreds of large, sweet, purple-red berries left on the branches.

Usually the birds strip the tree bare the second the cherries ripen. I managed to pick three cups of fresh berries...

...exactly enough to make a Gluten Free cheery and pecan cobbler.

We were preparing for our Graduation Celebration on Saturday, June 25th, and were expecting close to 30 friends and family members to join us for champagne and bbq pork shoulder. Thursday night Rick marinated the pork and then early Fri morning started smoking it in cherry wood chips on the bbq. It took 9 hours, and then we had to finish it in the oven, letting it roast until 11:00 at night. By then, I was sick of the smell of smoked meat and wondered why the hell we didn't just have hamburgers! 

I'm glad we didn't, because the pork was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. People literally moaned with delight while eating their pulled pork sandwiches dripping with bbq sauce and coleslaw, North Carolina style. And the cobbler? SWOON. It was the absolute best thing I have ever baked. I found the recipe on the blog Gluten Free for Good. I don't know if it was the fresh cherries or the pecan crumble top that made it so good, but the other thing that makes this recipe great is how easy it is. Go ahead, give it a try.

The weather was perfect and my friends crowded onto my recently cleaned deck, chatting, laughing, drinking champagne and eating. My friends have very diverse backgrounds: politically, spiritually and economically. Everyone from Tea Partiers to Socialists. I like spending time with different types of people, hearing different viewpoints and debating the merits of the Obama economic plan. But what my friends have in common is intelligence and the ability to have a good conversation. Strangers talked with each other like long lost friends and we didn't have to resort to party games to keep the mood high. 

Even Queen Teen came outside and joined in the talk. A friend of mine knows ASL and he sat beside her and started signing. She sat up straight and watched him with wide eyes and then signed back. They chatted like that for several minutes. I've never seen her more engaged when someone tries to talk to her. Here was a person speaking her language, OUTSIDE of school, just for fun. What a treat! I could see in her smile how thrilling it was for her to have a conversation with someone that wasn't tied to classwork, how wonderful to be a part of the party instead of just a silent observer. Obviously, I need to provide more opportunity for her to chat with ASL users outside of school. 

She was also ecstatic because there were four other girls at the party, one in particular who hung out with her in her room and played. Later, I popped in The Frog Princess and all the girls watched it together while eating strawberries and tortilla chips. Queen Teen grinned with delight to have so many kids watching a movie with her. 

So many good friends at my party, new and old. Three friends I have known since high school, and one of those drove all the way from Fresno with her family. My brother and his wife were there, and my mom got over her nervousness to drive to Ukiah from her home in Lake County. Laura, my master teacher and soon-to-be-coleague came bearing a gift: the map and key to the MCOE car. "I need the key back, though," she said with a laugh. 

Later that night, when the last of our friends had left and the food had been put away (and I'd scraped the last of the Gluten Free cobbler off the bottom of the pan. Oh my god, it's good!), Rick and I finished an open bottle of wine in our back yard and stared at the starry sky. The night was still warm. Crickets chirped loudly and the night blooming jasmine filled the air with sweetness. Contentment filled me for the first time in ages.  

Happy Halloween! Does Johnny Depp know he has a twin brother?

Johnny Depp's evil twin, Skippy

 

 

 

 

         

For those who don't know, I am a HUGE Johnny Depp fan (since way back, not just since Jack Sparrow. I've even seen Dead Man and liked it). 

I wore this to a drag show and people loved it. "You look just like him!" several people said. It was eerie to see Johnny Depp looking back at me from the mirror. Kind of takes my Johnny adoration to a narcissistic level. 

Queen Teen, on the other hand, was pure girl.

Fairy Princess of the world!

Fairies and Princesses are her two favorite things, so we combined them this year. Thank goodness she didn't say Sponge Bob, her other favorite thing. I didn't have that costume stashed in the closet. 

She went trick-or-treating this evening... at night...in the dark... in unfamiliar areas... all things that would typically send her into a complete melt-down. Even when we had to walk in the street because her wheelchair couldn't fit on the sidewalk, she didn't panic. We went door to door for over an hour, far longer than I thought she'd last, and she remembered to say thank you and even looked at the person when they offered her candy. It was great! I will remember this Halloween forever because this is the one year we went trick-or-treating like the other kids. Funny how you don't realize you want something until it happens.

And now for my all time favorite Halloween joke, which I learned it in the 2nd grade and never forgot:

Why do witches ride brooms?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.        Bwahahahahahahahahahahaa

Happy Halloween.

But it's Wednesday! Laura comes on Thursday!

Me - "I'm going to pick you up from school today and then we're going on a walk with Laura and your friend Eden."

Queen Teen - (scowl)

Me - "What?"

QT - "I don't think I like that."

Me - "Why?"

QT - "I just don't."

Me- "You don't want me to pick you up from school?"

QT - "I don't know."

Me - "You don't want to go on a walk with Laura and Eden?"

QT "No."

Me - "Why? It will be fun."

QT - "No it won't."

Me- "But why? You like going out with Laura and you haven't seen Eden in a long time."

QT - "Because I only go out with Laura on Thursday."

Me - "You can go out with her twice this week. Today and tomorrow, on Thursday."

QT - "No."

Me - "No?"

QT - "Today is Wednesday. I don't go out with Laura on Wednesday. I only go out with Laura on Thursday."

Me - "This is an extra special, fun trip with your friend."

QT - "I don't think I like that."

Me - "Well... I'm still going to pick you up from school today."

QT - (deeper scowl) - "Hmph!"

Me - (under my breath) "This is going to be fun."

The Giants are in the Playoffs! And you can all thank me

(image from Gear up for Sports)

For the first time since 2003, the San Francisco Giants have made it to the playoffs. This is also the first year I attended a baseball game. Actually, I've been to a few games in my life, mostly high school and amateur softball teams. My dad was on a team when I was a kid called "The Fat Vikings." They were really called something else, but the winery's logo that sponsored the team was "FV," so that became their name (I wonder how the winery felt about that?)

I saw the Giants vs. the Brewers on Sept 19th at AT&T park with my two good friends, Jody and Patrick. We sat in the Club section where the seats have backs and it's a short walk to get a beer. And speaking of beer, they now serve Gluten Free beer at the ball park. Say what you want about "yuppie" ball parks, it made my day to drink a real beer at a real baseball game. Wearing the SF Giants cap and shirt my friends had brought me, I felt fully "Giantified." 

The ball park is gorgeous, with towering rows of seats to the West and South, and shorter bleacher seats to the East.  From our seats we could see the enormous Bay Bridge and boats gliding slowly across the the cool gray water of the San Francisco bay. The sky was gray, but the grass of the field was brilliant green.

image from http://sanfrancisco.diarystar.com/venue-reviews/

At first, I felt pretty odd sitting in the ball park with my beer and Giant's gear. I never watch games on TV and didn't know who any of the players were. Buster Posey looked like a 16 year old kid who should have been in Sunday school, not a baseball game. And when people started booing for Juan Uribe I thought he played for the other team and somehow I'd missed the change in the inning. Bottom of the 2nd? Second what? Why was it called bottom and top? I know this is San Francisco, but that's ridiculous.

Patrick and Jody were patient answering my questions (or at least they hid their laughter), and eventually, the game started to make sense. When the Brewer left-fielder made an incredible catch in the first inning I clapped with the rest of the fans, understanding that sometimes you have to cheer for the opposing team when they play that well. But when Sunday school boy Buster Posey hit a home run early in the game, I cheered even louder. This was my team, baby, and we were winning!

Patrick, Me and Jody, and the Giant Orange hand of beer goodness

The Giants did win that game, going on to battle Chicago and then San Diego and making it to the playoffs. Jody sent me a message after the Giants won yesterday. "You're good luck, Terena!"

Yep, all baseball virgins are good luck.

Now I understand why people go to ball games. It's like a giant party with a game to tie us all together. You forget your own problems and the problems of the world and just focus on the simple game of baseball. When the game is on in a grocery store or my car radio I pay attention, wanting to hear the score and find out who's hitting, who's pitching, who struck out. I doubt I'll ever spend time glued to the TV watching the game like my grandmother, but now that I've seen the Giants, they feel like my team, and I want to know how they're doing.

And now a word from my favorite ball player, Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

Princess Superhero

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's.... Princess Superhero!!!!!!!!!!

Some pictures from Graduation

My beautiful daughter on her 8th grade graduation.

Queen Teen and her teacher, Laura Fogg, and our good friend, Sharon

                    

  Getting her Certificate

                                                                         Cousins

The Dickens Fair

After school Saturday, I got to stay in San Francisco on Sunday to attend the Dickens Fair at the Cow Palace. I used to work at the Renaissance Faire and many of my friends from there now work at Dickens, so it was wonderful to see everyone. My dear friend Tama even made it that day so she and I spent several hours wandering the fair together after our other close friends had to go back to work as Can-Can dancers, barmaids, and the sister of Charles Dickens. Watching them perform made me wish I could stand beside them in a bright, Victorian dress and and join in the song, but life got too complicated and I live too far away to work at the faire anymore. Happily, I still have my friends who are as close to me as family. Whether I work faire or not, the bonds are strong.

Queen Teen came with me two years ago and enjoyed the beautiful costumes, but the noise was a bit much for her. This year I decided to go on my own and have a little mommy-break.

If you live anywhere near the San Francisco Bay Area, give yourself a treat and go to the Dickens Fair. $22.00 buys you five stages of shows, street performers straight out of A Christmas Carol, Fezziwig's beautiful ballroom to try your hand at waltzing, delicious food, music and wares you won't find anywhere else. You'll leave filled with the Christmas spirit.

And if you see a Dollymop, or a Sailor, tell them Terena said hi.

Christmas still makes Queen Teen smile

Queen Teen has been depressed for months; 75% of the time, she frowns, sighs, complains and argues. She smiles only 25% of the time. Some of this is typical teen-aged angst, but some is due to the impact her disabilities have on her life. I've been so worried about her.

Last week, my husband pulled her Christmas village stuff from the attic while I cleared off the large, "plant window" (it usually holds two glass shelves packed with plants). I found new, temporary homes for all my plants, and then scrubbed the dirt and mold from the glass panes and shelves. Queen Teen watched, but didn't seem all that excited about setting up her village.

"You're taller now, so you can use both of the shelves," I said.

She stood beside the window and measured her height. "I can see the top shelf."

"Yep. And you have a lot more stuff for your village. You'll need the room."

Together we lay cotton batting down for snow and arranged the buildings. I inserted the lights into the buildings then opened the box of village people and handed them to Queen Teen one by one. She smiled when she looked at them and talked about how silly it is to "ride a bicycle in the snow," or "jump rope in the snow." It took about an hour to arrange everything, and then I hung the string of LED star lights above the village so it looks like the aurora borealis. Usually, Queen Teen breaks into a Christmas song once the village is set up, but this time, she just smiled and said, "Pretty."

Had she outgrown her village, too?

Over the next few days I noticed that Queen Teen spent more time looking at her little village people. She talked to herself about what they were doing and how fun playing in the snow must be. When I hung the wreath that we made last year on the door, she grinned and said, "That's pretty." Then the neighbors across the street set up their mega-Christmas lights display (they must use 500 strands of lights!) and that really made Queen Teen excited. Every night we peek through the front window to look at the neighbors sparkling lights and their illuminated snow men and deer.

Two nights ago, Queen Teen took my hand and led me to the village. "It's fun to play in the snow," she said, then threw a cotton batting snow ball at me. She giggled loudly and I laughed, then tossed the "snow ball" back at her. We chatted about what you can do in the snow, like build a snow man, ice skate, go sledding, make an angel, and even jump rope, but that idea made Queen Teen giggle more. Her eyes sparkled as she talked to me. There's my happy girl again.

Last night, Queen Teen sang "Santa Claus is coming to town" in the bathtub, the first Christmas song of the year, and my heart sang with her. It's been too long since she's sung so loudly and cheerfully. She now talks about presents and what she might like, as well as what she might buy for others. Her eyes twinkle when she thinks about Christmas.

I wish Christmas lasted all year.

King Tut

On Wednesday, Aug 5, Queen Teen and I finished our holiday in San Francisco with a trip to the De Young Museum to see the King Tut exhibit. I missed it when it was here 30 years ago (my parents went but didn't take us kids), so there was no way I was missing it this time. I also wanted to show Queen Teen real objects from Egypt to try and help her understand what Egypt is. She knows it's a place and can find it on a map, but it's just so much theory and pictures in a book. I hoped seeing King Tut's artifacts would help her understand better about the Ancient Egypt she learned about in school last year.

The exhibit was great. Truly stunning artwork. The intricacy and detail work on the furniture and jewelry is incredible. I was particularly struck by a large gold necklace in the shape of a hawk with its outstretched wings wrapping around the wearer's shoulders. Thousands of tiny feathers were carved into the necklace, each one perfectly proportioned. Who had created such a beautiful thing?

I wore the FM system so that Queen Teen could hear me as I described each exhibit piece. Although it was crowded, people were considerate and allowed us to get close so that Queen Teen could see. She seemed interested in what we were looking at because she'd raise her head to see better, something she rarely does. She hates lifting her head, and in fact has a visual field loss above her forehead. This time, she raised her head to look up at the statues and other items displayed on pedestals encased in glass and leaned forward to get a better look. Thirty minutes later, she turned to me and said, "I can't wait to go back to school and tell everyone I saw stuff from Egypt. This is cool."

Another thirty minutes later, she was done. Her whole body drooped and she didn't raise her head anymore. We had one more room to explore (the exhibit is huge!), but she was too tired to care. She suddenly declared, "I'm bored of looking at stuff." I examined the last few items, not quite ready to leave, despite my daughter's heavy sighs.

We exited the exhibit into the gift shop (of course) and I bought her a postcard book filled with images of what we'd just seen so she could show her classmates when school starts again. I also paid a dollar for a machine to write her name in hieroglyphics.

After a too expensive lunch in the museum's outdoor garden cafe (which was delicious), we drove home, both worn out from our three day adventure, feeling satiated on Egyptian art and good friends.

Queen Teen Goes to Disneyland

What an enchanting adventure that was! Queen Teen's first trip to Disneyland! It turned out far better than I had imagined. I expected her to be fearful and need to take frequent breaks, but instead Queen Teen pushed herself onward, eager to stay and explore.

We had help from my dear friend Tama and her daughter, Boo-Bug. There is no way I could have managed this trip without her. She's a real Disney fan (even has an annual pass), so she knew where to go in the park and how to get the best deals. She drove us all the way to LA, arranged the lodging, got the passes to the park and to Ariel's Grotto, and held on to Queen Teen when I needed a bathroom break. Tama, you are my hero!

On the first day, Queen Teen wore her baby-blue princess dress and got her hair done up like Cinderella at the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique. We explored Fairy Tale Land and then at 11:30 went to Ariel's Grotto for lunch. I knew Queen Teen was nervous because she gripped the brakes of her wheelchair and hardly looked up from her lap. But when I asked her if she was alright she loudly said, "Yes." She was determined to be in Disneyland, so she kept her agoraphobia in check and insisted she was fine.

In Ariel's Grotto we met Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, and Belle. Then Queen Teen met her hero, Cinderella. She was so excited she couldn't stand up. I helped her up and Cinderella wrapped her arm around Queen Teen's waist to support her. Cinderella knew immediately how to interact with Queen Teen, speaking clearly and leaning in closer for Queen Teen to see her face. Queen Teen just kept grinning.

We were at Disneyland two and a half days, staying at the California Grand Hotel because it was closest to the park and easiest for Queen Teen if she needed a break. Happily, we didn't need to worry. Queen Teen took a deep breath and plunged in, excited to be there, happy to explore, and genuinely having a great time. She even went on a few rides.

I was surprised she wanted to go on a ride. I was waiting for the panic attacks, the shouts of fear as she begged to get off. But she wanted to do go on a ride at Disneyland, so she allowed the staff to help her and then sat beside me, gripping my arm like a vice. She rarely looked up at the scenery, instead staring down at her lap, concentrating on the sensation of movement and the need to keep her fear at bay. We chose mellow, relaxing rides, the ones without any drops, spins, or fast movement. First she rode It's a Small World, sitting up high in her wheelchair on the boat, looking like a homecoming queen as she stared at the animatronic puppets, unsure of what they were. She also rode through Story Book Land but wouldn't look up at the miniatures so I had to describe them as we went by. On Jungle Adventure, she laughed when the robot elephant splashed the boat and a few drops landed on her head. The Train seemed boring to her, but driving a car in Autopia was much more challenging. When she drove, she steered wildly but wouldn't look up to see where she was going. "Driving hurts my hands," she declared when it was over.

Mostly we wandered the park, stopping to examine the flowers and statues. And we met characters; now she knows who Micky Mouse and Minnie Mouse are, as well as Alladin, Chip and Dale, and Brother Bear.

I pushed her wherever she wanted to go and got tearful several times. I was so happy to be there with her, so thrilled that we were able to make another dream come true. There is nothing more wonderful in the world than my daughter smiling.

I was so impressed with the staff of the park and how well they worked with Queen Teen. They knew exactly how to help her feel comfortable, from speaking loudly to assisting her on the rides. The terrain of the park is primarily level and easy to navigate in a wheelchair, despite the crowds, and most of the rides are accessible. Disneyland is perfect for people with disabilities, more so than any other amusement park I've ever seen. For a teen-girl dressed like a princess in a wheelchair, it was heaven.

On the last morning we took one more stroll around the park before leaving. After lunch I said, "It's time to go now."

She smiled and said, "That's okay." Then she looked thoughtful. "Mom."

"Yes."

"Can we come back next year?"

"We'll see what we can do."

Darling girl, if there is anyway I can make it happen, I will bring you back to Disneyland next year.