Reality

"Cinderella remembered me and was happy to see me," Queen Teen said after Cinderella stopped by our table in Ariel's Grotto. The Princess helped Queen Teen stand, hugged her tightly, and then chatted for a moment. She signed Queen Teen's autograph book then moved on to the next table where more starry eyed little girls waited for her.

Cinderella is Queen Teen's favorite. From the moment she first saw the movie when she was 4,  Cinderella has been her bestest imaginary friend and personal hero. And when she actually met Cinderella at Disneyland three years ago, Queen Teen acted as if she'd had lunch with Miley Cyrus. Cinderella is real and lives in Disneyland with the other Disney Princesses, Tinker Bell and Mickey Mouse!

When do kids stop believing that Princess Jasmine and Arielle are real?

At age fifteen I suppose she should be past that stage, but she isn't. In fact, since her hearing disappeared she seems stuck at an in-between stage: too old to be a little girl, but unable to take that leap into being a teenager. She doesn't know who Justin Beiber is and couldn't care less.

When she was 3, she had an imaginary best friend named Bobby who went everywhere with her. He stayed by her side until she was in the 2nd grade, which is when she made real friends. Some girls in her class began sitting with her at lunch, playing with her at recess, and one invited Queen Teen to her birthday party. All through elementary school, she had a large group of girl friends, all of who vanished when she entered Middle School. They moved on to cell phones, spent their time chasing boys, and one began teasing Queen Teen, distancing herself from the "retarded kid." This is the same time Queen Teen's hearing declined, until by the 9th grade Queen Teen was profoundly deaf.

Her imaginary friend has returned, this time by the name of Sara. Queen Teen spends her days at home talking to Sara and Cinderella, laughing at their jokes, arguing over something Queen Teen may have done, debating the merits of good manners, and giving advice. Even at school, I've seen her turn her head and say out loud, "What did you say Sara? Oh yeah... you can say that again."

It makes a lot of sense that she'd talk to people in her head more than the people around her. It's difficult having a conversation with people in the real world. Imaginary people speak a language she can understand, and they always understand her.  Cinderella is one of her best-friends. We visit her every year at her home, Disneyland, and every year Cinderella stops at our table and gives Queen Teen a hug.

This year, Queen Teen finally met her second most favorite Disneyland person, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins and Bert spent a long time with her, chatting and smiling. They took their time and gave Queen Teen a chance to talk, too, something most people don't have the time to do in the so-called real world.

That's the best part of our trips to Disneyland; every cast-member takes their time with her, even when they're pressed for time by the hundreds of other children waiting their turn to visit. Whoever trains them has done a fantastic job. I wish they could train us how to do it.

How does Queen Teen define reality? It seems that the world she's created inside her own head is more real than the world we all live in out here, with our hectic schedules and demands, our complicated language increasingly difficult to understand, and our too fast pace. If Justin Bieber is the real world, Queen Teen doesn't want anything to do with it.

A Little Retail Therapy

What do you do with a teenage girl who is so bored she may die (or so she claims)?

Go to the Mall.

We don't have a Mall in our town, so we drove an hour south to the closest city. My good friend Jody joined us and we three girls indulged our cravings for shiny new things, especially Queen Teen. She had a gift card to Justice where she picked out a new dress. We also hit the Disney store where we reminisced about our trip while checking out the toys. Even Jody got into the spirit when she almost bought an Ariel tub toy (It was so cool! Her mermaid tail fluttered so she could swim).

I told Queen Teen she could buy a new toy and I expected her to grab some kind of Cinderella thing, but she surprised me when she chose a Tinker Bell stuffy. It appears that Cinderella may have slipped from the favorite position. Since we saw the Tinker Bell movie this weekend, Queen Teen has been enamored with Tinker Bell and all her friends. The stuffies were two-for-one, so she chose a Cinderella doll to go with Tinker Bell. But she kept Tinker Bell in her lap as we rolled around in her wheel chair and Cinderella got stuffed into the shopping bag. Poor Cinderella.

We left the mall and walked up a tree shaded street lined with shops and cafes. The weather was gorgeous; a good 20 degrees cooler than our home. After exploring, we sat in the lovely sunshine near a fountain in the town square where Queen Teen ate her snack and Jody and I drank lattes. Queen Teen rolled herself around the little park, enjoying some freedom, happy to be able to go outside without being seared by 105 degree heat.

Back at home, the retail therapy buzz lasted for a whole day. She was cheerful and happily played with her new dolls. But by the second day, the blues slowly crept back in. Too bad the mall cure is so short lived.

Queen Teen Goes to Disneyland

What an enchanting adventure that was! Queen Teen's first trip to Disneyland! It turned out far better than I had imagined. I expected her to be fearful and need to take frequent breaks, but instead Queen Teen pushed herself onward, eager to stay and explore.

We had help from my dear friend Tama and her daughter, Boo-Bug. There is no way I could have managed this trip without her. She's a real Disney fan (even has an annual pass), so she knew where to go in the park and how to get the best deals. She drove us all the way to LA, arranged the lodging, got the passes to the park and to Ariel's Grotto, and held on to Queen Teen when I needed a bathroom break. Tama, you are my hero!

On the first day, Queen Teen wore her baby-blue princess dress and got her hair done up like Cinderella at the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique. We explored Fairy Tale Land and then at 11:30 went to Ariel's Grotto for lunch. I knew Queen Teen was nervous because she gripped the brakes of her wheelchair and hardly looked up from her lap. But when I asked her if she was alright she loudly said, "Yes." She was determined to be in Disneyland, so she kept her agoraphobia in check and insisted she was fine.

In Ariel's Grotto we met Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, and Belle. Then Queen Teen met her hero, Cinderella. She was so excited she couldn't stand up. I helped her up and Cinderella wrapped her arm around Queen Teen's waist to support her. Cinderella knew immediately how to interact with Queen Teen, speaking clearly and leaning in closer for Queen Teen to see her face. Queen Teen just kept grinning.

We were at Disneyland two and a half days, staying at the California Grand Hotel because it was closest to the park and easiest for Queen Teen if she needed a break. Happily, we didn't need to worry. Queen Teen took a deep breath and plunged in, excited to be there, happy to explore, and genuinely having a great time. She even went on a few rides.

I was surprised she wanted to go on a ride. I was waiting for the panic attacks, the shouts of fear as she begged to get off. But she wanted to do go on a ride at Disneyland, so she allowed the staff to help her and then sat beside me, gripping my arm like a vice. She rarely looked up at the scenery, instead staring down at her lap, concentrating on the sensation of movement and the need to keep her fear at bay. We chose mellow, relaxing rides, the ones without any drops, spins, or fast movement. First she rode It's a Small World, sitting up high in her wheelchair on the boat, looking like a homecoming queen as she stared at the animatronic puppets, unsure of what they were. She also rode through Story Book Land but wouldn't look up at the miniatures so I had to describe them as we went by. On Jungle Adventure, she laughed when the robot elephant splashed the boat and a few drops landed on her head. The Train seemed boring to her, but driving a car in Autopia was much more challenging. When she drove, she steered wildly but wouldn't look up to see where she was going. "Driving hurts my hands," she declared when it was over.

Mostly we wandered the park, stopping to examine the flowers and statues. And we met characters; now she knows who Micky Mouse and Minnie Mouse are, as well as Alladin, Chip and Dale, and Brother Bear.

I pushed her wherever she wanted to go and got tearful several times. I was so happy to be there with her, so thrilled that we were able to make another dream come true. There is nothing more wonderful in the world than my daughter smiling.

I was so impressed with the staff of the park and how well they worked with Queen Teen. They knew exactly how to help her feel comfortable, from speaking loudly to assisting her on the rides. The terrain of the park is primarily level and easy to navigate in a wheelchair, despite the crowds, and most of the rides are accessible. Disneyland is perfect for people with disabilities, more so than any other amusement park I've ever seen. For a teen-girl dressed like a princess in a wheelchair, it was heaven.

On the last morning we took one more stroll around the park before leaving. After lunch I said, "It's time to go now."

She smiled and said, "That's okay." Then she looked thoughtful. "Mom."

"Yes."

"Can we come back next year?"

"We'll see what we can do."

Darling girl, if there is anyway I can make it happen, I will bring you back to Disneyland next year.