The next step in asking for help

After I wrote my blog post about needing more help, the response from friends was wonderful. I was particularly surprised by the offers of help from people I didn't think would respond. Not that they're insensitive, it's just they aren't particularly "kid people" and have very busy lives. I was also surprised by how many people I just KNEW would write back with offers of help who didn't. Again, I don't think it's because they're insensitive (well, a few might be), I think it has more to do with people not knowing what they can possibly do to make any difference.

When you ask for help, no matter how much you wish it would just fall into your lap, you need to have a few specific ideas for people to know how to help.

Ummmm...  I'm still not sure how to answer that question.

I mean, we need help with everything: money, sanity, housekeeping, childcare, cooking, car maintenance, yard work, pet care... everything. But telling your friend who just offered help that they could clean your bathtub for you isn't a great way to foster a good support network.

So I've been working on a list of ideas, and instead of worrying about how people will react or how unrealistic some of these may be, I'm just gonna spell it out and see what happens.

Terena's Help List

• Housework. No you don't have to clean my bathroom, but if you know any good tips, tricks, cleaning products or cleaning staff (inexpensive) who could lend a hand, let me know. 
• Yard Work. Some strong hands to help my hubby and I catch up on the mountain of yard work around here would be great, especially since Spring is already trying to arrive.
• Sanity. Send me an email just to say hello. Post a hug to my Facebook page. Call and invite me out for coffee or to a movie. Let me know when a party or event is happening. Rick and I have gotten very isolated up here in Mendo (really people, there is life above Santa Rosa!), so any little thing you can do to help us feel less lonely would be wonderful (btw, Rick could use some help just as much as me). 
• Childcare. This is a big one. I know people get really nervous about offering to watch Queen Teen because she seems to need so much care, but she's actually pretty easy. Her favorite thing is to go for a walk in her chair and get a snack. If you just want to take her out for ice cream some time for an hour so I can grab a nap, that would be great. We have respite for the longer hours and overnights, and I'm looking into another agency to provide more support. Plus, Queen Teen gets just as lonely as Rick and I do. More people inviting her out on a Saturday for a short time would make her very happy.
• On that note, the more people who learn American Sign Language the better. As her hearing has degenerated, so has her communication. Very few people in our lives know ASL, so very few people can chat with her. She doesn't know very many signs yet, but in time she will, and the more she can use her language skills, the faster she'll learn. Plus, her world will expand to include so many more people and friends. What a gift that would be.
• Cooking. Made too much Beef Stew? Send it my way. I know my food allergies make it tricky, but if you have something Gluten Free you'd like to share, we'll gobble it up. 
• Money. Well... if you win the lottery, you can pay off my house. 

Looks like I have more specifics then I realized. While I'm on a roll, I'll just throw out a few more ideas (which may be less reality based, but what the hell?)

• Could someone tell that Ty guy that I need a new house? Mine is way too small and with Queen Teen's equipment getting bigger, we're about to reach a space crisis.
• Or if not a new house, how about letting one of those designers on the Home and Garden Channel know that we need help making better use of the space we have. (ooh, I just saw that the dream house sweepstakes has begun.)
• My car is about to die (a 1995 Honda Odyssey with 220,000 miles on it). I need a new one, preferably in red.
• Rick and I still need a honeymoon. We've been married 11 years. It's about time.
• A massage, once a week, for the next six months to get grad school out of my muscles.
• A huge family with lots of cousins who live in California (rather than Louisiana or Texas, neither place I wish to move to. Sorry guys).
• Queen Teen would like another trip to Disneyland... oh wait, we're already planning that one. 
• Queen Teen would also like to fly, just like the little girl in the Tinker Bell movie "The Great Fairy Rescue." She believes that if she could fly it would change everything (I think she's right). 

Today, my orchid has even more blooms! The ones I thought were too small and would fall off have thickened until they've opened into gorgeous blossoms. I wake up every morning and look at this:

It gives me hope.

Getting ready for school - my dream

The bus will arrive at 7:00 am to carry my sleeping daughter to school, so at 6:30 I hit the snooze button on my alarm. When it goes off again at 6:45, I roll out of bed, walk down the hall and switch on her bedroom light. My daughter, slightly startled by the light, sits up in bed, blinks a few time, then pushes her covers off and jumps out of bed. She walks across her room to her closet where her clothes are waiting and steps inside. The closet doors close and suddenly happy music by Laurie Berkner begins to play. My daughter giggles as bright lights dance inside the closet where she is being cleaned, dressed, fed and combed by a gentle Kid Prepare machine. This machine fits neatly into any sized closet and does all the preparation automatically, including telling silly jokes to the child so the child emerges from the machine not only ready for school, but in a good mood. In less than five minutes Queen Teen is transformed from a grumpy, sleepy teenager to a neat and cheerful teenager eager to go to school. At 6:55 she is standing at the front door in her rain coat and boots, hearing aids in, and with her school bag ready. The bus arrives on time at 7:00 and by 7:05 she and her equipment are loaded. She waves cheerfully and I blow her a kiss as the bus drives away.

At 7:10 I go back to bed and sleep until 9:30. Hey, if you're gonna dream, dream big.